Thurs 3/25 "Subway Series"

"If you wanna take a picture with money stand right here. You see all eyes is on the man right here.." Jada rhymed as I leaned back against the train doors. I'm a bit winded because I ran up the stairs. "Damn I need to work on my cardio." I thought as I scanned the train for crazies. There is little space in between two people. I don't feel like pushing for a seat. My heels are only three inches, I cam stand a while. My eyes rested on what appeared to be the black Einstein. His small spectacles and wild, salt and pepper hair were a sight at 7am.


I was smiling to myself thinking, "People just don't care what they look like these days" when an indescribable aroma wafted past my nose. My eyes opened wide, nostrils flared, lip turned up in disgust. My eyes darted from my left to my right trying to find the source of this smell. I'm looking around at the other commuters wondering if I was the only one who smelled it. I spot a woman who has her pale pink wrap over her mouth and nose. She looks at me shaking her head slightly as if to say "I don't know". Surely we couldn't be the only ones to smell it.

Again my eyes are scanning the people on the train. Young woman applying her makeup, a couple of construction workers, a few men dressed in business attire. A few "nannies", a man in a large coat and timberland boots sleeping, two elementary ag....wait a minute..back to man in big coat. Something is not quite right. He's not especially dirty but something is askew. I look at his hands. Oh my word. His hands are badly chapped and peeling and grimy. He moves and his face shows. WOW!

Sitting right amongst the people was the source of the smell. A homeless man. No one noticed because his clothes weren't badly tattered and he was bent over sleeping so his face wasn't visible. I'm sure if Miss Makeup new he was sitting right beside her she would have moved.

Oh look at that. Young guy just rushed past a pregnant girl for a seat. Shaking my head I turn my attention to the man who has just walked onto the train and is standing directly in front of me with his man purse pushing me. I push his bag and roll my eyes. I'm ready for a fight. I'm listening to rap music so I'm feeling tough. "G Unit what! G Unit what!...buck buck buck. 50 Cent you know how I gets down!"



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA
(photo from Blog "Reasons to love NY")

Wed 3/24 "Subway Series"

"Why'd you steer me wrong. Kept me holding on. Why'd u lead me on" Tweet sang as I stepped onto the train. I knew it would be crowded because I have on four inch heels. It never fails. I walk to the opposite doors to lean and alleviate the pressure I'm sure to feel after standing for 35 minutes. I take full inventory of the people on the train. Two Asian women. They look sleepy and unhappy. A couple of "Sopranos" in leather jackets, a few Messicans. Two heavy set West Indian women. One with a very pretty face and flawless makeup. Oh gosh is she has a gold tooth? And she's wearing a blonde wig. I'm loving her animal print boots though. She's the epitome of "Big doesn't mean sloppy" The other is very non discript. Plain Jane. She's probably a missionary at her church.


My music is always ridiculously loud. I prefer it that way because I can't hear the bullshit people talk about on their phones or to each other and I'm enveloped in the sound of my tunes. My music is always on shuffle so sometimes a song comes on that isn't very loud (mostly classical music) and I'm forced to hear the people around me.

The piano keys of "Bach Goldberg Variations" by Andras Schiff play softly and I here what sounds like a very heated argument.. I look over to see the same two women practically yelling at each other. It's not even 7am yet. The blonde is smiling so I don't think it's an argument. All the sleepy commuters like me are just staring. Wondering, are they for real? Do they think that people want to hear them?
 
I must've had a look of contempt on my face because the blonde looks me up and down and kinda gives me a face. As if it's ME disturbing her. lmfao...U know I love foolishness.
I put my hand on my hip and cocked my head to the side and gave her the wtf are u looking at face. bhahahahah..she wasn't paying me any attention she was back to her conversation. Shaking my head at myself. Why am I always looking for a fight? lol
 
"By the time you get this letter you may be doing better" played in my ear. Blondie and the church lady were forgotten...as I closed my eyes and was lulled back into my musical cacoon by Jamie Foxx.
 
*ding dong*
thank you for riding the MTA
(photo of Model Maxine Elbert, St Louis, Missouri
 

Tues 3/23 "Subway Series" Evening Edition

One of my biggest pet peeves is men that have no common courtesy. And "Hood shit". *rolls eyes*


Standing on the platform. "If u leave her I'll leave him. We'll pack our bags don't say a word" Beyonce and R.L. Sang in my ears. I'm feeling quite calm. This song has that effect on me because of the harmony. It takes me back 2 the 90s when life was good.

It's Tuesday so I worked late and I'm anxious to get home to cook dinner.
There aren't many people on the platform. A cute but dusty Bruce Leroy looking dude, an older dude, a pregnant Latino girl and a few others.

Train arrives. First thing to annoy me, I step aside to let the people off but older guy brushes past me to get on and get a seat. I roll my eyes and try to kick him but I miss. I walk to the opposite door and lean against it. The pregnant girl gets on, she is CLEARY pregnant. I look around and see many women standing and the seats are filled with men.
Are u kidding? Now I can understand you're tired so you may not give up your seat to an able body woman. But a PREGNANT chick!?

Two homeboys from the hood have some sort of phone between the two of them with music playing loudly. Seriously? Step ya MP3 player game up homie! And you have the nerve to be giving me the eye? HA! Fat greasy unattractive dude is watching me while bumping his head hard 2 his music. I think he believes he's in a video. *gag*
I hate riding the train late after rush hour because that's when I see all the blax. I hate blax. Lmfao. No seriously. I do.

Little black teen girl gets on. She's a thick one. Skin tight jeans. Uggs and hair a over processed mess. She's followed by a few other people and a cop.  He very rudely pushes the punk teen away from the door and stands beside me. I very pointed looked him up and down and turned my lip up at him. "Jerk!" I'm thinking. He was hot though! Nice height, nice reddish brown complexion. He took off his hat to reveal a head of thick curly hair. YUM!! He could easily be hispanic, black or indian.

Young teen girl is making a point to push her butt in his direction. I looked up to see his reaction. He is not amused. I laughed out loud. Literally. I didn't mean to but that was funny. He locked eyes with me and smiled. My eyes went immediately to his hand checking for rings. OMG! His hands are hideous! I turned my head away.  I can't even imagine shaking his hands let alone allowing him to touch me intimately. *vomit*
Good he's getting off.  *smile* Nodding my head to the beat. Bilal sings "Rocking raw for months now. You can call me pull out master." I let out a sigh of relief. I dodged that bullet. I know he was about to strike up a convo. Smh. That was silly. He could have been my future husband. After at least 15 manicures. bhahahahahaha
*ding dong*
 
Thank you for riding the MTA
(photos of Model, Norman S., Chicago, Illinois, and Madalyn Ruggiero photo for The New York Times)

Monday 3/22 "Subway Crush Series"

I had to run back to the house because I had forgotten somthing. Good thing I wasn't late YET but of course, when I arrived at the station there is some idiot who doesn't knw how to swipe her metro card.
The train is coming and there is a line because she is running back and forth swiping at each turnstile. I shake my head as I push past her and swipe my card. I'm greeted by a throng of teens running down the stairs. I reach the top just as the doors of the train close. Great! Now I'm probably going to be late.
Nostrils flaring I stand looking to see if another train is coming. The dumb ass that couldn't swipe her metro card is mumbling something abt me taking her fare. I wish she WOULD say something to me. I'm ready to spazz!
I look to my left and see one of my train crush. He's about 6' 4" with a smooth milk chocolate complexion and no facial hair. He has a bald que ball head. Nice full lips. He is always dressed sharp and today is no different. He's wearing dark pin striped slacks with a crisp white shirt and a dark cardigan. He's wearing brown italian shoes and his raggedy tommy hilfiger man purse. He's wearing glasses today. I like the way he looks in them. He standing in his usual spot near the stairs. He doesn't notice me yet so I can stare for a while. He looks up and sees me. I've already averted my eyes so he doesnt know I saw him. This means he's going to move closer but of course he's not going to speak.
The train is coming I turn on my Ipod. "All of my fears he erased Jesus. You saved the day." Kirk Franklin sang in my ears as I walked onto the train. It's not crowded so there are a few seats and I sit down. He stands directly in front of me. I pull out my blackberry because his crotch is directly in my line of sight. I don't want to stare. He pulls out some sort of financial magazine. I can't help but smile because I know he's watching me.
Fat lady gets on at the next stop and practically sits on my lap. I glare at her and I almost lose it but chocolate sexy man is standing in front of me. I keep sneaking peeks at him.
"We should be, making love. Instead of, breaking up. Cmon baby let me show you I'm for real. Lay in my bed" *smile* Mario sings as the train continues.
At this point the train has become very crowded and he moves closer to me. I keep averting my eyes but I feel him looking at me each time I put my head down.

Kicking myself for not wearing my shades. I could have been sizing him up. lol
It's our stop. He moves aside to let me go first. I weave in and out of the crowd. I'm late I need to make a mad dash for the office. At first it looks as if he's going to follow me. He doesn't. I take one last look before I run up the stairs. Our eyes lock. I look away.
*sigh*
Why doesn't he say something? Gosh!
Oh well, maybe I'll see him tomorrow.


*ding dong*

Thank You for Riding the MTA
(photo of model Louis Hodges, Hartford CT)

Friday 3/19 Early Morning "Subway Series"

I'm the queen of double standards. When seated on the train I try to sit in a way that there appears to be little to no space for another person to fit next to me. And of course, the fat African lady ALWAYS squeezes in. Lol.
I do this but I HATE when I see other people do it!! Ahahahahaha


I usually squeeze in. And dare someone 2 say anything.

"I'm with yoooooou" Avril Lavigne, sings in my ear. I don't feel great this morning. I'm wearing heels. I want a seat. There are two rather large women and a man on a 4 seater..One woman has her legs open and her bags on the seat. I stand above her (this is train sign language for move over bitch I wanna sit down)
She acts as if she doesn't want 2 move. So in case she doesn't know proper train etiquette I say very loudly.. Nostrils flared "Excuse me" She barely budges so I plop down in the seat.
Fat on my left side has space on her other side but she's upset that I sat down, so she doesn't move. Fat lady on my right is reading her bible and has her elbow pointing at me. Its like these fat bitches are trying to block me out. HA! U wanna play that game aye? I live for this type of shit.
I start coughing. Digging in my pockets. In my purse. Lol..Finally fat ass on the left moves over into that space..I mean I could have the "Swine" or sumthing. But fat bible lady is still trying to jab her elbows into me. I have to take drastic measures. I swing my purse onto my right arm. Now it's in her lap. I take out my phone and begin typing. Elbows out. She moves over. *rolling my eyes*
The shit I gotta go thru just to enjoy my 30 minute subway ride.
"Thank you, thank you, you're far too kind" Jay-Z says into my ears. I close my eyes. I can catch a 20 minute nap.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA


(Random weird subway photo)

Wednesday 3/17 Early Morning "Subway Seres"

I hate humans..I really fucking hate teenagers. Why do they all have cell phones? Why do they talk? Ever!? Why are they all overweight? Uggghhh!!


Standing on the overcrowded platform. Wondering where the fuck are all these people going!? Thinking to myself, "Every got damned time I wear four inches or better its crowded and I don't get a seat..My footsies are NOT gonna be happy!"Lmfao.

I haven't turned on my Ipod yet because the battery life is non existent so I'm waiting 2 actually get on the train before I do. Of course now this means I have to hear the fuckery that escapes from these humans' brains and exists thru their mouths. *vomit*

Fat teen sitting behind me on her cell yelling. "Nah son! Cuz she pu$$y my nigga. She was like she aint say nuffin. She don't want it. I'll fuck dat bitch up" I spin around ready to snap. I have no tolerance 4 teens as it is. But a loud one, cursing, looking like "Precious"? No! No! No! This I will not have! This early in the morning. No waaaaay! I glare at her for two minutes straight. That probably doesn't sound like a long time..but when ur being stared at it's an eternity!
I want her to know that I'm looking at her. And I want her to shut the fuck up. I probably shouldn't because these teens have no fear or respect these days..But I don't give a shit! I'll fight your child if they act up!

Bahahahahahaha!

She quickly lowers her volume to what I assume is her "indoor voice" and I turn back around to watch for the train. Here it comes. Sigh of relief. My feet are beginning to hurt..I turn on my Ipod. "We off up in this jeep, we foggin' up the windows.." R.Kelly's melodious voice comes thru my headphones. *smile*

Oh look, a seat. Yaaaaaay!

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA
(Still of scene from Movie "Precious"

Tues 3/16 "Subway Series" Evening editon

I walk onto the train..Ledisi singing in my ears..I look around. It appears that EVERY single person is staring at me..WTF? I'm feeling totally self conscious. I look down at myself to see whats wrong..nothing that I can see..*shrug* I'm thinking.."damn, I knw I'm cute but shit..there ARE hotter chicks (not really) on this train. Wtf?" I look at the black chick to my right..she has a weave down 2 her butt..red lipstick..her outfit isn't terrible..but the shoes are hideous. Black chick number two on my left, titties out. Spandex..weave..looks like she's coming from the club rather than work..Across from me a tall African girl..beautiful face..but only to one who can recognize a true natural beauty..she looks like a student..jeans, sneakers, large bag..glasses.
I look around..ppl are still staring at  me..I look at my reflection in the window..my hair is in place..fresh wash n set so hair is flowing. Lol, no boogers in my nose. Burberry scarf, my trench is a lil wrinkly but I still look neat..perfectly manicured pale pink nails..dark slacks..my glasses are a lil crooked..4in heels..wtf are they staring at me? An old lady smiles at me..ummm.."Am I being punked?", I wonder. White girl by the other door sizes me up..I glare at her..Average white dude gives me approval nod. I roll my eyes in disgust...No thank u pinky! Lmfao..
These ppl r still staring. And I've been on this train for 25 minutes already.
Oh damn..*rolls eyes* homeboy from the hood is giving me the eye. Doors open and on walks hispanic/white girl with silver, platform, knee boots. Now they're staring at her. lol

*ding dong* thank u 4 riding the MTA..
(Photos by Peter Gutierrez..google him..his work is amazing)

Monday 3/15 Early morning "Subway Series"

I'm not a racist. I hate ALL humans..black, white, purple, green, yellow...teens, adults, kids. lmfao


IT's Monday morning. why is this "homeboy from the hood" Mira ete, ass, hispanic dude giving me the eye?..I almost vomit. He's short. He has on a doo rag and a baseball cap. (I swear) He's a "homeboy" with his pants down to his ankles and he's licking his lips at me and smiling. *sigh* WHY is he walking towards me on the platform. I hate him and everything he stands 4..I wish I had mace. Who the fuck bothers ppl this early on a Monday morning? Gtfoh! I turn my head and turn my music WAY up. "No sleep till BK!" (Beastie Boys) blasts in my ears. Rap music makes me violent. I'm nodding my head to the beat with the scream face. lmfao He's like a foot away. Is he actually TALKING 2 me?.. I have no idea wut he's saying..and I don't care.

I sigh, relieve that the train is aproaching. I get on the train and he follows close behind me..I hold my umbrella horizontally and jab him. He steps back..I roll my eyes. He MUST be crazy. Was he going to try to cop a feel?

I look up and see a fine chocolate specimen..Nice lips. yummy. Perfect line up. check. shoes? Nice! Can't let him see me staring. But yaaay eye candy 4 my ride.."Back @ the condo riding like she tonto" Chris Classic's Maxwell remix is playing..OOOhhhhh, a seat..better view of chocolate delite.
*giggle* too bad I don't have on shades.

*ding dong* Thank u 4 riding the MTA.
(Photos of actors, Rick Gonzalez and Lance Gross)

Friday 3/12 Early Morning "Subway Series"

Did I mention I hate people? I 'specially hate when it's NOT crowded and  they stand directly beside me on the platform. Call me paranoid but hell I live in a um.."Soprano" neighborhood. Any white person 2 ME has potential "Soprano" connects and I think they're going to push me on the train tracks. Of course, that doesn't stop me from trying 2 move this retard "obvious 'Soprano'" dude away from me.




First I cough in his face. He doesn't even blink. So I didn't even think twice, I took my umbrella and jabbed him in the leg and then I swung my purse over my shoulder, slapping him. Lmfao..ye he was THAT close to  be slapped by my purse. (U KNOW white ppl have no sense of personal space) he moved over. 
I looked 2 my right and see a younger "Soprano dude" he's looking at me with a smirk, as if he's saying "no she didn't" but paranoid me is thinking.."oh shit, they're gonna jump me and there's no one else around." Look to the left..thank God here comes the train. On the train, I'm peeking at both of them every 2 seconds. Oh great, a messican got on with a backpack the size of a human. I wonder if he knws I'm friends with Mogul? (U knw they have a hit out on he and his ppl) Gosh wut stop is this?!? I've got to get off this train!! Lmfao.

*ding dong* thank u 4 riding the MTA

Thurs 3/11 "Subway Series" Evening Edition

I stayed a little later than planned at work to take care of a last patient and to tinkle..Now I'm caught in the rush hour train traffic. Meaning there are like "fifty leven" (that's a lonye word) mahfuckas on the train. If u know anything about me, please know that I hate humans..'specially during rush hour.

Everyone is packed like sardines..I'm trying not 2 get annoyed. It's common sense that the train is crowded and these humans are not touching me on purpose. What is the point of getting upset, right? HA!
This broad is standing beside me. Rather than hold onto the pole above her head..she has her arm across my chest and is holding the pole near me. I glare at her. She looks intimidated but doesn't move and turns her head in the opposite direction HMPH! Childish, evil me, smiling in my mind...every jerk the train takes I throw my full weight against her arm. She stands firm..So now I'm thinking oh "ur a bold bitch aye?" I hold onto the pole above her head and knock her in the forehead every time the train jerks in addition to throwing my weight on her arm. She's getting pissed. I can tell by the flare of her nostrils but she's not moving. HMPH!
I only have on 3 inch heels so I don't NEED a seat..but the gentleman in front of me gets up..she rushes 4 the seat..I look at her as I slide my sexy, slim, ass into the seat. Raphael Sadiq sings in my ear "Just give me all ur lovin". I smile cheekily thinking, "Stand bitch! Next time have proper rush hour etiquette!"

 *ding dong* thank u 4 riding the MTA..

Tues 3/9 "Subway Series" evening edition

I'm tired. It's my late night at work. It's been a long, stressful day. I walk onto the train and take a seat. I feel like I've stepped into the twilight zone..Everyone just looks fucking weird! To my left I see a dude chewing his nails like its a two piece chicken dinner.  Next stop train doors open and a CRACKHEAD couple gets on the train!!! Omg!! They still have those? Lmfao..I mean, they were real live CRACKHEADS! The female was one of those that may have been attractive at some point. She has a big butt and thinks she still "got it"  but the bitch is toothless! Omg, why is she looking @ me? Next stop, ghetto girl gets on the train. She squeezes her fat ass into seat beside me. I didn't move an inch. She KNOWs there was no space. She has the nerve to be upset!? She's trying to move me with her fat ass! OH NO THIS BITCH DIDN'T!
I turned my face towards her..and I coughed HARD. Yes, in her face!
Bahaha fuck u fat bitch! Take that!!


*ding dong*

Thank u 4 riding the MTA

"Subway Series" Monday 3/8/10

I've always been attracted to gorgeous men..Tall, dark and handsome..*drool*..I love eye candy..but dating these men..well..hasn't always turned out so great..so...

I told myself that I was going to begin dating fat, black, greasy, ugly dudes..u know..like "Biggie" 'cause they would surely appreciate a beauty like me, right?

It's Monday morning. I have on four inch heels and the train is crowded as fuck so I'm standing. I have an attitude.

A big fat greasy dude gets on the train. "Biggie". I'm leaning against the door..trying to relieve the pressure on my feet. He stands directly in front of me giving me "the eye" while licking his lips at me..uggghhh! I have on my "Hollywood Mocha" shades (big black shades that cover the majority of my face) but I roll my eyes and give him the "nigga pls/*vomit*" face, and turn my head.

A few minutes pass and I turn back to look at him. He looks a bit sad. Darn, now I feel bad. I'm tempted to give him a little smile or something to brighten his day but he refuses to look my way.

"What goes around comes back around again..Here comes the Puba and u know I won't fake it" plays in my ear. I smile and my head nods.."Biggie" is forgotten as my mind drifts and I nod my head mouthing the words..

*ding dong*

Thank u for riding the MTA