~Missed Connection~

As I teetered onto the train hands full, I was struck by how unattractive the pregnant woman was who sat in the seat across from where I stood. I almost grimaced.
As the train came to a stop a few minutes later I walked off to wait for the express train.
As I walked down the platform, dressed in a white dress shirt, a pea green shrug, and my high waisted, grey, pin stripped, magic slacks, the train pulled out of the station. The train operator, an older Hispanic man smiled at me. I rolled my eyes.
I passed a beautiful girl with a mini afro that had been dyed blonde. We lock eyes for a second and smiled at the same time. (This seems to be the thing among pretty, natural girls who look like they spend afternoons sipping lattes at New York City Cafes.)
I turned around to look at the display to see when the next train would be arriving. I groaned in my head as I saw a man walking towards me.
I was positive he had fallen victim to the magic pants and was going to talk to me.
I was not in the mood to talk.
I looked past him as he stopped beside me.
He was talking. I half rolled my eyes as I removed one ear bud from my ear and turned toward him.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"How do you stay so in shape?", he asked.
"I eat well," we both looked at the greasy paper bag I was holding and I chuckled and added, "...most of the time."
He argued that I MUST work out. I'm aware the affect these pants have. The high waist accentuates and exaggerates the size of my actual waist.
While it is probably 27in, the hip to waist ratio in these pants makes it look like 25in, easily.
He continues to try to get me to admit that I work out.
He says, "You know, your body is nice but that's not even my biggest attraction to you."
I take a bite of my pizza, staring into his face, waiting for him to continue.
He's kind of handsome. He's a bit older. Maybe in his early 40s. Medium brown complexion. Perfectly lined salt and pepper goatee. He could almost pass for one of the Wayans brothers.
I hated his attire. I wondered if he was an MTA worker getting off work. He carried a backpack.
I wait.
I take another bite of my pizza, "I apologize for being rude and eating but I'm hungry and I don't really care."
He laughs then says, "it's your hair."
"What's my hair?"
"The fact that you are confident enough to rock your natural hair when so many woman need all these extras..."
I was half listening, half thinking, "Where is my train? This pizza is awful!"
He pulls me into the convo and we begin a discussion on people's perception of beauty and Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj.
And the outside influences that shape oue perceptions.
I remove the other ear bud and give him my full attention.
An intelligent convo. I'm actually engaged in it. Smiling and chattering as if we've known each other for years.
He says, "I'm going to stay with you 'till you train comes. I'm not gonna ask you your name cause you're comfortable being rude and I can hear you saying 'none of your business'"
I laugh.
I do not tell him my name.
I do not ask his.
My train is arriving.
He does not ask for my number.
Instead he says, "I hope to see you again tomorrow. If I do, it was meant to be and I'll ask for your name and number."
I smile as I enter the train and sit down.

I didn't see him the next day or the day after that.
Guess it wasn't meant to be.

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

~Whoopi Edition~

Dressed in a knee length, form fitting, black and white houndstooth dress, belted at the waist, with a pale pink bow in my afro, I am beyond tired.
I've removed my heels and replaced them with my fold away flats.
I'm walking down the subway stairs looking in my bag for my ipod as a group of teen aged kids run down the stairs screaming at each other. There are about five girls and a "boy", if you want to call him that.
The girls were dressed in very revealing clothing and I grimaced at the rolls of fat seeping from the sides of most of them. I looked up and locked eyes with the "boy" shaking my head and laughing as I put my headphones into my ears entering the train.
The teens rushed onto the train just as the doors were closing.
I was barely paying attention to them but it appeared that the "boy" had whispered to one of the girls and one by one they turned to look at me. Then one proceeds to stand directly in front of me shaking her weave talking with her back to me. The train jerked and she feel towards me. I shoved her, not tenderly, and stared at her waiting for her to say something. She looked at me and said sorry as her friends laughed. I rolled my eyes.
I guess the friends began to taunt her to say something to me. I looked her up and down and then the rest of them, sizing them up, wondering how many I could take out before they jumped me.
The one in front of me was a cute girl but the blonde hair attached to her head looked ridiculous.
She was slightly overweight and she wore black leggings and a shirt that was too small.
The song ended on my iPod as she was saying something. I looked at her..she was motioning towards me but not looking directly at me. I caught, "...look like Whoopi Goldberg"
I raised an eyebrow and removed my headphones. I hate teenagers. I WANTED her to have said something to me. I WANTED to punch her in the chest. Someone needed to. Her attire and hair was a clear indication of that.
"What?" I snapped with my lip turned up in a scowl.
The friends laughed. She mumbled something.
"Baby girl, you're fat. You have plastic hair with a Barbie doll hairline. Your opinion is irrelevant."
The train pulled into the station as her friends laughed, some stunned whispered "no uh, wut?"
I sashayed off the train to the arriving express train swinging my shoes in my hand.
I replaced my headphones and turned my iPod back on.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA.

~Blue Eyed Beauty Edition~

Awakened abruptly, out of my sleep, by the jerking motion of the train, I rolled my eyes as the doors opened and people milled in.
I was struck by how terribly plain and downright unattractive some of the women were that entered the train.
A woman sat mostly on my lap. I was disgusted. She had one of those asses that looked like there was an entire person hiding in her pants. It was not attractive. In fact she looked like she smelled. I shook my head at myself for being so petty but snarled when she had the nerve to wiggle to fit more comfortably.
The train pulled into the next station and more people boarded.
I looked up at long dark lashes flapping over the bluest eyes I had ever seen.
Of course I had to take inventory of the owner of these eyes.
He was perfection on a warm summer morning. He was of average height, 5'10" or so, not orange tanned but a slight bit of color, dark hair combed back with just enough product that he didn't look as if he was wearing a helmet. He wore a stripped, pale pink, dress shirt that looked as if I was made just to fit his broad but not overly massive shoulders and dark grey slacks that hugged his perfectly toned behind. The pants fell just right over his tan oxfords.
I could not keep my eyes from roaming his body multiple times then resting on his mouth I thought, "Shit! He is GORGEOUS!"
I watched him as he watched the ugly Asian girl that stood in front of him. Shaking my head I stood as the train pulled into my station.
I passed him and then looked back to get one last peak. We locked eyes for all of five seconds. He smiled slightly as I exited the train and ran up the stairs.
I was late again.

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA.

~The Insecure Girlfriend Edition~

While I hate all humans, I love seeing couples and watching how they interact. I especially love seeing couples on the way to work together who give a soft peck as one departs.
I run up the stairs, arms flailing, pearls, iPod and blackberry in hand. I dash into the train just as the doors close.
I'm all the way at the back but I don't care,
There are seats available in this car and I snuggle into one.
I see one of the couples I've seen on occasion and I smile to myself.
They are an adorable pair. Neither of impressive height. Both honey coloured. She is always fashionably dressed and her make up is always flawless.
He is usually in a dress shirt and slacks with huge headphones.
I don't stare as I've been know to do. I kind of just size them up and turn away.
As I go to turn my iPod on I notice he looks annoyed and I see her lips moving slightly. My ears perk up as I hear her steely whisper, "Where do you know her from? I know something went on"
He glances at me quickly and rolls his eyes as he whispers back, "I don't know that female."
I try not to stare but I see how tight and angry his face is. I notice he is trying extremely hard not to look my way.
I don't pay it any attention, I assume he just doesn't want to cause any more drama with his lady.
I turn on my music and they are almost forgotten as Jonelle Monae sings, "This is a cold war, do you know what you're fighting for?!" I smiled to myself nodding my head to the beat.
I notice they are both stealing glances at me and I notice her mouth move subtly again.
I'm wondering, is he a dog that has been caught in some shit or is this woman a pretty, insecure, psycho who thinks that every woman her man looks at is a past lover. I mean this conversation or argument can't possibly be about ME.
I glance at him and he looks fed up, ready to snap, in pain as if her badgering is slowly killing him.
I make it my business not to look at him again for the entire ride. I don't want to cause this stranger any more problems then he, clearly, already has.
At that very moment I see a white tee and fitted on what appears to be a frame of 6'6". They are forgotten as I lust over this chocolate giant.

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA.

~Transit Worker Edition~ Part Deux

I'm ecstatic!
My last patient is at 6oclock!
This means I will be out of the office before 8pm and I'll get home at a normal time.
I'm practically skipping to the train station in my black and white striped dress, red blazer, perfectly fluffed afro and 4in peep toes.
I don't even realize it's Monday which means old boy will be in the booth.
I just missed the train.
I kiss my teeth as I hide behind a pillar.
TOO LATE!
He spots me.
The next train will not arrive for another 7 minutes. I sigh as I preoccupy myself with my iPod, my phone, imaginary things in my bag.
He comes over.
"Why you just leave me like that?"
I bust out laughing remembering my speedy departure last week.
"What do you mean?" I smile coyly.
He gives me the side eye as he asks, "So when you gonna let me take you out? Dinner, a show? No parties. I'on party"
I continue to fiddle with things in my bag.
"Oh, you just gonna ignore me?"
I laugh again.
He gets a phone call and I inch away.
"Two more minutes 'till the train arrives" I think to myself.
I fumble in my bag for my metro card.
"You have an unlimited?"
"Yes" fumbling in my large bag.
"Here, just come through before you miss your train!"
I continue to look for my card as the train doors open.
"You just aint gone let me do NOTHING, huh?"
I smile as I swipe my Metrocard and scurry to the train.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA