"Subway Series" *Late Night Edition*

I never take the train at night because that's when the real freaks come out.


It's late night. A friend and I have just left a venue on the east side and we decide to take the train to save 40 or 50 bucks.

We're not waiting long before the train comes and we board for two stops and then transfer to the express.

The train arrives quickly seeming a bit crowded for this time of night.

We racial profile and stand in front of a group of women who are obviously tourists who will exit at Times Square.

As soon as we sit we look at each other and giggle because we've both have scanned the other passengers and every seems crazy and they seem to be staring.

At the next stop a man boards with a keyboard.

He places his stool directly in front of me. I look over at my friend in disgust and she busts out laughing. I roll my eyes and shake my head and prepare to kick him just as a man standing by the door offers his space to him.

He turns on his keyboard as he starts his speech, "I'm just out here tryna make an honest living by using my talents." He presses a button and the demo music starts. He slides a few buttons and taps his fingers on a few keys. He repeats this a few more times. My friend and I exchange looks. "What the fuck is he doing?" "He's a fraud. This is not honest!" We bust out laughing.

His act lasts about 5 minutes, then he turns off the keyboard and says, "I'm just tryna make an honest living" we bust out laughing again.

I hug my friend and exit the train to make yet another transfer. The train arrives and I take a seat across from a hip mom and her adult daughter.

The mother is whispering loudly, "Mi tell you fi stop drinking but you wan be grown han keep on." I look at the daughter. Her eyes are closed and she looks a little green around the gills. She coughs and her eyes water. I'm only two stops away from home so I go stand by the door. Looking at her is making me a bit nauseous. As soon as I walk to the door I hear a gag. I look over and the daughter projectile vomiting across the train onto the spot I just moved from. I turn away in disgust as the mom takes napkins and attempts to sop up the vomit. YUCK!



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

"Subway Series" *Three Amigo Edition*

It's sweltering. Dressed in short shorts, and high heels I know I'm risking being harassed and taking a chance riding the train but the sun is still shining and I'm trying to be economical. HA!


My attire is very regular aside from the short shorts so I become increasingly annoyed as every man, woman, child, cat and dog stares at me on my way to the train.

The train arrives. I board and take a seat beside an overweight woman who is yelling across the train to her overweight son. I roll my eyes and turn on my iPod.

The train arrives at the next stop and on walk three middle aged hispanic men who appear to think they are still in their 20s.

They are loud, laughing, and obnoxious. I feel my body tense preparing for a fight as the first guy notices me and taps the second who taps the third. They let out a roar of laughter, cat calls and hisses. My nostrils flare in embarrassment and anger as I wish I could disappear. I turn my music louder and close my eyes in an attempt to ignore their ridiculous behavior.

As fate would have it, my iPod dies. Fml! One guy is doing chin ups on the train pole as another recounts how he stole a coworkers cell phone. *bbm blank stare*

The train passes through the Bronx and into Manhattan and some pigment deficient woman board the train. They make lewd remarks about one woman who slowly scoots closer to me as if the "angry black woman" can somehow protect her. I feel bad for her but I'm relieved that their attention is off of me.

At another stop an old couple boards and they are immediately antagonized by the three amigos. One of the three amigos looks at me for approval with a big smile. I roll my eyes and mumble "Assholes".

The train is arriving at my stop. I stand and I hear, "Oh my God mami.", "Daaaamn". I cringe and give them the finger as I exit the train.
 
*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA

"Subway Series" *Beauty Edition*

I hate people. I especially hate people who stare.


It’s not particularly crowded on the platform. My “Soul” playlist is playing and I’m feeling quite mellow. Dwele, D’Angelo, Bilal, Jill Scott, etc sing into my ears I don’t even realize I’ve been waiting almost 20 minutes before a train arrives. It finally does and the commuters board. I slide into a seat. I’m not sleepy but the music has wrapped its arms around me and I feel as if I’m floating. There’s just something about soul music that does this to me and it’s a welcomed feeling.

The sounds of drums and bass fill my ears as D’Angelo’s melodious voice sings, “Send it on back to you”. My eyes open slowly as the train comes to a stop and more commuters enter. My mouth opens slightly with surprise as a woman walks on. She is by far one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life. Her skin was like the color of honey and looked as smooth. She wore no make up and her skin was flawless. Atop her head, to the naked eye, sat what appeared a careless hump..but to me it looked like a carefully quaffed crown of her glorious locks. She wasn’t dressed spectacularly. She simply wore a tee shirt and jeans. I couldn’t stop looking at her.

I felt my face flush as I realized three songs had passed and I was still staring. I really had never seen such a natural beauty just riding the train on a weekday afternoon. I was amazed. I looked away but continued to steal glances. She noticed. She didn’t exactly roll her eyes but I could tell she was thinking “What the hell?”

I wanted to express to her what a beauty she was but wondered if she would think I’m trying to hit on her. I wasn’t. I really just thought she was genuinely beautiful.

We approached my stop for transfer and I stood. I walked to her and I said, “I apologize miss, I know your wondering what the hell I’m staring at”, I chuckled, “I just wanted to tell you, you are absolutely beautiful.” There, I said it! I was surprised that her eyes filled with tears and she smiled a sad little smile. “Thank you” she said quietly, “You have no idea how much that means to me”. I was completely taken aback. I smiled uncomfortably as I exited the train wondering what just happened.

A small Hispanic man walked by licking his lips, “Aye mami, lookin’ good!” he yelled. He was wearing large headphones. I rolled my eyes and sneered as I rushed across the platform to catch my connecting train. Lmfao



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

Subway Series "Gangsta Edition"

Rap music makes me violent. Especially 50Cent's, "Get Rich or Die trying" album.

"We don't play dat, we don't play dat, we don't play dat, G-Unit, we don't play around" blasted in my ears as I bopped to the beat. Wearing a white fitted tee, green linen pants, eighties shades, and my Giuseppe slippers, hair blowing in the wind, I was anything BUT "gangsta" but that didn't stop me from walking with a bop, hands in pockets, a slight sneer on my face (you know my face) as I mouthed the words to the song.

As usual people are staring but 50 has me thinking I'm tough, so I'm ready to fight. Not caring that he's about 6'4" and 300lbs, I snarl at the man standing to my right. He turns away.

A short hispanic man descends the stairs carrying a wheel chair. A girl about 7 or 8 follows him, and a middle aged woman limps down the stairs behind them. The train arrives. It's ridiculously crowded. It's rush hour. The woman gets on in her wheelchair and parks herself by the door. At the next stop, a young woman gets on with a baby in a carriage, a toddler and a six or seven year old. A middle aged man with a big bushy mustache pushes past her to take the seat beside me. I mutter some curses and roll my eyes at him as he opens up his paper.

The woman stands at the other door with her carriage and children.

So now that's a woman in a wheelchair with a kid, a woman with a baby in a carriage and 2 other kids, both standing at opposite doors, and it's RUSH HOUR! Fml

What do you think happens next? My iPod dies and on walks a panhandler! He sure is talking a lot. He stops beside the woman with her kids and in a voice that is hardly understandable says that he loves children and that hers are beautiful. She smiles a weak smile. Her face flushes slightly with embarrassment. I imagine she's praying he goes away.

I'm sitting between a fat woman and the man with his paper. He is fidgeting way to much. Going into his pockets, opening his paper wide, then closing it. I've already inched as close to the fat woman as I can. With no tunes he is REALLY annoying me. Only a few more stops to go. I can endure it right?

He sneezes. I cringe.

Thank God it's my stop!

I stand to get of the train but not before I elbow the fuck out of him. I smile a little smile as I exit the train. Oh the little things that make me happy.



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA.

Subway Series *Welcome Home Editon*

It's no secret that I hate people. I especially hate overly eager men. *rolls eyes*


After a week of riding up and down VA, MD, and DC highways in luxury cars, the subway is not a welcomed ride.

I stand on the platform, head bopping, lost in my thoughts and my music.

The train arrives and I take a seat, happy that it's relatively empty. I don't scan the car for strange people. I immediately close my eyes and let the music envelope me.

I realize the train has been immobile for quite some time. I open my eyes to see a tiny old woman push her way onto the train, hitting people with her tiny shopping cart, filled with tattered bags and papers. Her long, gray, hair is a tangled mess and it looks as if she has attempted to put it in a ponytail. Her clothes are dirty and the large collar and bell shaped pants give her the look of a 70's sitcom character. She sits down crossing her legs and arms. She purses her lips, looking around, disdainfully as the conductor announces the last stop on the train will be 96th Street. She's trying to make eye contact with anyone so she can strike up a conversation. I avert my eyes but the young man standing near me is not so lucky. She slaps her thigh engaging in one sided dialogue, complaining about the MTA. The guy, a rocker Mexican with large holes in his ears, tattoos and spikes is staring at her, nodding occasionally and looking around as if to say "Help me".

The train still hasn't moved and I'm tempted to get off and take a cab. Of course as soon as I get ready to stand the doors close. I close my eyes again and lean back as it pulls into the next stop. I feel a tap on my arm. I open my eyes slowly to see a guy in a flannel shirt and unshaven beard, smiling waving a party flyer. I smile politely and shake my head no. He's talking. He's not particularly unattractive but definitely not my type. I'm looking at him not hearing and not caring what he's saying. Why is he still trying to shove his flyer at me?

Now I'm annoyed. I'm tempted to snatch the flyer and toss it on the floor. I growl, "I said no thanks".

My iPod chooses to die at this very moment. "..cause I think your beautiful and different.", he's saying. Is he for real? Having a whole conversation with me?

" This is 96th Street. This is the last stop. You can take a shuttle bus, blah blah blah". I jump up and make a mad dash for the door. Flyer boy is yelling after me about my number. I'm not interested in taking the bus. I'm gonna catch a cab.

At the top of the subway stairs, on a crate, sits a man with one leg, sipping coffee. His prosthetic leg, with sock and sneaker sat on the ground beside him.

Only in NY. Welcome home to me!



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA