~BATTLE OF THE TRAIN PERFORMERS EDITION~

I know it's been forever. I had to tell this story. lol

I've gotten into the practice of trying to begin my day with positivity through guided meditation and reciting positive mantras and affirmations while on my morning commute. 

Not only so that I don't kill anyone in a psychotic rage while on the train..but for my overall well being.

I've settled into my seat with my tablet and morning beverage in hand and a smile on my face.

I'm reading positive quotes as the train pulls into the next station. People pile onto the train racing for seats. I notice a man with what appears to be a violin case. He looked like he may have been a music teacher, dressed in slacks and a striped collared shirt. He sets the case onto the floor. 

Standing at the door as they are closing is the small black man with his bible. He speaks in an extremely loud voice, "Good morning!" and he goes into his religious spiel. The man with the violin tries to dart for the already closing doors and they close in his face. The woman sitting across from me busts out laughing at the look of despair on the man's face. He's looks like a trapped animal.  

I assume he realizes he is on an express train and will skip about 10 stops. He mutters something and stands against the door to the left of me. I shrug it off and I'm about to continue reading when I hear him begin to sing

softly and strum the strings of his instrument. 

Realization hits me as the mini battle of the preacher and the musician begin. 

I feel like I am in the twilight zone as the man, to my left, plays and sings trying to drown out the preacher, and the preacher across from me to the right screams ever louder trying to wake the dead. 

I look back and forth between them in amusement. 

Is this really happening? 

So, neither of them is going to leave the other to this train car? 

No?

Ok. 

Finally, the singer stops and puts away his instrument. I shake my head and begin my meditation. 

*ding dong* 

Thank your for riding the MTA

~Cranky~

Ever just want to punch a bitch in the face or toss a hot beverage in their direction?
I haven't had a good nights sleep in DAYS!

I'm cranky and my eyes are barely open as I wait for the train, tea in hand, heels in bag.
The train approaches and everyone inches toward the edge of the platform. The race for seats will start as soon as the doors open.
I am directly in front of the train door. I step aside to let the passengers off and to allow the pregnant woman to go ahead of me. 
I feel a slight push that becomes increasingly more aggressive. 
Is this person blind therefore they cannot see the people exiting the train? 
This MUST be the answer I think as I turn to look behind me, in disbelief. 
It's a perfectly healthy young woman who has the nerve to roll her eyes at me for not pushing past the people to get onto the train. I swing my huge bag over my shoulder in hopes that it slaps the shit out of her. 
She's still pushing me as I begin to step onto the train. 
I want to snatch her by her unnatural blonde/orange hair and kick her in the face. Instead I simply block her so she cannot sit before the pregnant girl, or me for that matter.
I settle into my seat and look up to see her giving me the stare of death.
I laugh at her and settle in for my nap.
Bitch.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA

~Hood Booger family Edition~

I hate hoodboogers. I hate the way they smell. I hate the way they speak. I hate that they procreate and bring children into the world. I hate their dusty lil, disrespectful kids. *rolls eyes*

I'm rushing. My nap after Sunday service turned into a long sleep and I have somewhere to be.
Dressed in a white dress and cream trench with a pink flower in my hair, I'm the picture of prim and proper perfection. 
The train arrives and I inspect the seat before sitting. 
Just as the doors are about close a chick throws her bag onto the train laughing and speaking loudly she and what appears to be her dusty hoodbooger crew run onto the train.
Nostrils flared, body tensed, I become aggravated as she sits her dusty, however cute, kid beside me.
The kid immediately begins swinging her legs. I'm imagining her foot connecting with my bare leg and me flinging her across the train car.
She's whining about something and reaching across my face to her mother asking for something.
I'm not a fan of grubby paws in my face. I want to rip her arm out of it's socket. I see the mother with a black, bodega bag filled with junk. Doritos, cheese popcorn, etc.
The kid wants the Doritos. The hoodbooger mother says, "You don't want the popcorn? It's healthy!" Poor delusional soul. 
The kid swings her legs in what appears to be the beginnings of a tantrum. I look on in disgust and disbelief as the mother concedes and hands over the cheesy Doritos.
The rugrat begins to lick, one side then the other, of the chip. Her hands orange from the imitation cheese. 
She proceeds to crunch and crackle and I watch as Dorito crumbs spray all over her shirt and the small space between us. 
The mother quickly leans across me and flicks the chip crumbs onto the train floor.
At this point I'm sure there is smoke coming from my ears. 
I keep looking at the little girl and her hands expecting the train to suddenly jerk and her grubby little orange fingers to touch me. 
As the train pulled into the next station, a few s

eats opened up and the mother moved the child to sit next to her.
I realized it was not a band of merry hood boogers at all, but a mother and her two daughters. 
They were hood for sure but I realized the mother was dressed in scrubs. Clearly she has a job.
The kids weren't dirty..just dressed badly. Gaudy, urban, fashion.
As I watched her hug and kiss the little one and talk and laugh with the other, I saw a loving mother and her kids.
I immediately felt ashamed for having judged her from her attire.
I took out my fone and began to type.

*Ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA

~ Chivalry is dead Edition`

I'm slightly out of breath because I had to run to catch the train. (I didn't want to be late for work, AGAIN)
It appeared that all the men on the platform had pushed past all the women to get on the train first.
I watched a man push past a woman and her child to get a seat.
I sucked my teeth and sneered in disgust.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe I'm from a different time (though these men were clearly older than me..although u can never tell with Europeans.)
Maybe I was just raised better.
As R. Kelly swooned in my ears about getting lost in my love, I pondered where common courtesy had gone and why men nowadays find it ok, NOT to let a woman sit first or give up their seat for a woman.
I read the advertisements for "Zipcar" rentals.
"No booty call shall go unanswered", "the official vehicle of 'Get your stuff out of my apartment'"
As I wondered who had come up with this nonsense, the train pulled into the next station.
A visibly pregnant woman entered the train.
I look around at all the seated men who suddenly have fallen asleep, shaking my head in disgust.
I look around at all the standing women and seated "men" knowing if any of the women were sitting they'd have given her their seats.
Sneering at a little prick who finally gets up and asks if she wants to sit (because he's getting off) I know that I'm going to be in a bad mood for the rest of the morning

 *ding dong*

~Thank You for riding the MTA~

~Bonnie & Clyde Edition~

As "Snow Patrol" screamed into my ears about a lighthouse or something, I sauntered onto the local train.
Your neighborhood thug, homeboy from the hood brandished a foreign bottle of beer, his arm around a very blonde Becky. I'm guessing from the look on his face that he's expecting me to be angry or roll my eyes because of this.
Pfft, he was far from anything I'd look twice at. I wouldn't have dated him so I wouldn't have cared less if he was with an albino alien.
Bundled up like an Eskimo, only my eyes are visible as I exit the train and cross the platform sliding into a seat on the waiting express train. 
I had planned to catch a few Zzzs but what sat across from me was far better than a half assed nap. 
Dressed in all black, sat a boy so beautiful my mouth dropped open. (Pls note the above picture does not encompass the beauty that was him.)
His strong thighs were parted as he leaned forward resting his elbows on them.
His olive skin was smooth and his full pink lips parted for me to see beautiful, huge white teeth. Thick black lashes fluttered atop chiseled cheek bones and opened to reveal dreamy, dark eyes.
He wore Dre Beats and a hood so only the front of his hair was visible and showed a patch of grey. I was intrigued. 
I stole glances every few minutes, drawn to his mouth.
I am almost positive he knew I was watching and was putting on a mouth show just for me.
I blinked rapidly as he licked his lips. Then bit his bottom lip. Then smiled slightly.
I rolled my eyes.
The train slowed to a stop at the next station.
A couple boarded and I giggled to myself because she was hispanic and he was white but they reminded me of Jay-Z and Beyonce in the "03 Bonnie & Clyde" video with her in tan knee boots and he in timbs. "Hood love" I thought. 
My mind wandered as I remember the words, "And he'll do anything necessary for her, so don't let the necessary occur. YUP" 
I smiled.
That will always be OUR song.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA