*Bossy Becky Edition"

It's cold. 
I'm wearing a colour block dress that is little more than a wisp of fabric with bright orange leggings and a hooded bubble coat that is almost to my ankles. The dress is more a spring or fall frock but I have pressed snooze one two many times and know if I take the time to iron something, I won't have time to eat.
My black booties and boots (all 5 pair) need to be repaired and none of my other boots match. I stuff the ankles of my leggings into my Giuseppe's, knowing it looks ridiculous but not caring much, as I rush to catch the train. 
The station is strangely empty. 
I swipe my Metrocard as I realize the display reads, "No cards." I rush to the other turnstile which reads the same. I grumble under my breath as I read train tracker which says my train will arrive in five minutes. I envision the eight lanes of traffic I have to scurry across because I'm on the side of the parkway with no token booth. 
I'm cursing in my head and walking to the exit as a Messican swipes his card and looks at me for help.
I roll my eyes saying, "It doesn't work." 
I'm speaking to him as well as the pigment sufficient woman who has entered the station. "What do you mean?" She asks in a tone I do not like. "How is this possible?" She continues, in that tone. I'm tempted to say, "Bitch I don't work here!" 
A group of teens enter the station and I wait to see if any of them have skills like McGyver. 
After they all try their cards (even though Bossy Becky has told them it doesn't work) the tall black boy goes to the side where the turnstiles are for exiting only. 
He pushes in the opposite direction and with one strong shove it gives way and he is on the other side. Common sense would tell him to buzz the emergency door, for the rest of us, but he leaves us all on the other side and climbs the stairs to the uptown platform.
One by one we all push our way through, Bossy Becky shouting instructions, "Push. Very hard. With all your might! that's it! you've got it!"
More people enter the station and she shouts directions to them as well. 
"She must be a teacher" I thought as I climbed the stairs with one minute to spare before the train arrived.

*ding dong*
Thank You for riding the MTA

~SEXY BUM EDITION~

I had barely moved an inch as the gay guy squeezed into the half a seat between myself and a heavyset girl.
I had in fact, strategically placed my purse on my lap to minimize his space and make him uncomfortable for shimmying into the small space.
I squeezed my eyes shut to grab a few quick Zzzs, which came quickly.
I was jolted out of my sleep abruptly by a woman whose bags were practically resting on my lap as she shoved past me to rush to a seat.
A part of my wanted to snatch her bags and throw them off the train and stomp her face in. Shaking my head at my frequent violent thoughts, I leaned back against the wall. Before me stood the cutest, firmest bottom, I had ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on.
The legs beneath the bottom were extremely long and perfectly toned. I looked over to the gay guy and he was staring too.
The feet wore running shoes. The toned legs covered by fitted Levi's. There was a bookbag on his back. He was at LEAST 6' 4". I couldn't stop staring at his perfect legs and ass.
The train arrived at my transfer stop and I left the train never seeing the face attached to those glorious legs and bum.
I entered the local train and stood facing the door.
The reflection in the glass told me someone was standing awfully close behind me.
I turned around ready to verbally assault whomever thought it was ok to stand so close to me on an empty train.
He was grinning.
It was the MTA worker who had asked me out on a date multiple times.
He asked why he hadn't seen me.
I asked him why the hell he was standing so close but smiled, relieved I wasn't going to have to fight some pervert on the train.
He said, "I saw the legs and hair. I knew it was you."
He went into his usual spiel, "When are you gonna let me take you out?"
"Where do you wanna go?"
"You wanna see a play?"
"You wanna go to Alvin Ailey?"
I laughed at his enthusiasm as he continued listing places.
He then says, "No, you wanna go dancing. I can tell you're a dancer with those legs."
In my mind I considered the idea of going on a date with him. I mean, I haven't dated in ages. It might be fun.
I then imagined how he might dress outside of his uniform and pictured Jerome from "Martin". I quickly dismissed the thought.
I smiled again saying no in response to the question, if I had his number.
He asked if I wanted it.
I smiled and waved bye as I slipped off the train at the next stop. Allowing the door to close on his next question....
"Next ti..."

*Ding Dong*
Thank You for riding the MTA

~Cranky Pants Edition~

It's the first day back to work after a four day weekend.
I'm cranky. I woke up early but lie in bed far longer than I should.
I wrap my pink pashmina around my neck and throw on my white leather. I stick a hot pink bow into my fro, knowing that it does not match,AT ALL, with the clothes beneath my jacket.
I curse "Fun Pete", in my mind, for stealing my pale pink bow.
I have no time to cook breakfast. I grab a banana and rush out the door. I need a pick me up. I'm ridiculously sluggish. My face is tight and drawn from a fresh scrub and I'm wearing no makeup. (Not even LIP-GLOSS! The horror! Lol)
I decide to walk across the parkway to McDonald's for a Caramel Mocha (my latest addiction.)
I KNOW I'm not imagining people staring at me.
I'm cranky.
I try to ignore it but as a Hispanic woman, who looked to be in her 40s, looks me up and down I ask, "What the fuck are you lookin' at?!" She, understandably shocked, turns away.
I suck my teeth and continue to get my coffee.
I order. I wait as the young lady takes two more customers. She's moving at snail pace.
I look at my phone and see that I'm not late...yet.
I wait.
I'm cranky
After a while I scream, "Where the fuck is my coffee!?"
The girl jumps and rushes to make my coffee.
I'm oblivious to the stares at this point. I just want my damned coffee and to be on my way.
As I snatch my coffee, I grunt at her mumbles of having a nice day.
As I reach the train station I see the train will arrive in one minute. I don't have a metro-card.
I curse as I run to the machine to make my purchase.
I hear the train arrive.
I hear the train leave.
I roll my eyes as I curse myself for stopping for coffee.
I stomp up the steps. Stomach growling.
I pull out my banana.
I take a few bites and as I look into my purse three, pigment deficient females, shaped like refrigerators, pass. One so close I almost think she is going to try to take a bite of my banana.
THIS is the last straw! I scream like a banshee and I smash the banana in her face and yell, "You want some!!??!! Huh!?!? You fat bitch!!"
I blink rapidly. An evil snarl of delight on my face as I watch the three refrigerators continue down the platform.
Realizing I was having another of my "Alley McBeal moments", I shake my head and say a little prayer. I have GOT to get control of this little angry monster trying to take over my being, today.
After ten whole minutes the train finally arrives. It sits in the station for five minutes. I only have to take this train two stops before I transfer. It takes the train 15 minutes to get to my stop. I try not to scream expletives while I watch my express train take off as the train I'm on inches into the station.
Another train arrives five minutes later.
I look at the time. I roll my eyes as a man tries to push past me to grab the seat we both spot. I stick my elbow out and pass him, entering the train.
I snuggle into the seat. A little TOO happy at my tiny victory.
Again the train begins to move at snail pass. It's supposed to be EXPRESS!! Why are we going this slow if we are bypassing 10 stations?
I look at the time.
NOW I'm late.
Happy fucking Monday!

*ding dong*
Thank You For Riding the MTA!

~Honey Coated Chocolate Dread Edition~

 I stood on the platform. Face freshly scrubbed and partially covered by my "Hollywood Mocha" shades. I wearing no makeup and my afro is pushed back into a large afro puff, adorned with a little brown bow. I'm wearing my new favorite leather jacket with fur peaking from the sleeves and collar. I'm in jeans and flat Pocahontas boots. I look anywhere from 12 to 35 years old and this is evident by the range of guys trying make eye contact with me.The tall slender lad in his skinny jeans and chuckers is peeking at me from under his baseball cap. I turn completely away from him only to face a West Indian or African man, who looks to be in his late 40s or 50s. He's dressed in a suit and slick dress shoes. He's smiling at me. I grimace and avert my eyes only to catch the eye of the only one who appears to be near me in age. Dressed in baggy jeans, Timbs, a skully and Letterman jacket, he is staring. I'm not interested. He looks like he's an aspiring rapper if that makes any sense. The train arrives. They all sit relatively close. The teen sits directly across from me and is preoccupied with his iPhone but glances at me occasionally. He has dimples and very broad shoulders. I wonder exactly how old he is. "NOT OLD ENOUGH!" A voice screams in my head. The old perv has found a new young girl to leer at. More people have joined us in this car and it appears there are no other females left on earth because more men enter at each stop and they are all staring. I realize the guy who looks to be in his 30s has been staring at me the entire time and is even leaning out of his seat to peer around the people who have entered the train. I look at him in disbelief. He smiles. I roll my eyes and turn my attention to the book I have pulled out of my bag. He stands to get a better view of me. I now want to fight him. It's one thing to admire but THIS? This is ridiculous. Just when I suck my teeth and prepare to ask him wtf his problem is, "You're the desert sand, I'll be the water. You're the perfect plan I never thought of..." Daley sings into my ears, the doors open and in walks a honey coloured, 6ft something dread, dressed in a black trench, jeans and suede shoes. I feel the corners of my mouth twitch as I try to hold back a smile. His dark, reddish brown locks are tied back by a few strands.I realize I'm staring and my mouth is hanging open. I wipe the drool as I feel the teens eyes burning a hole into my face.The dread was totally unaware of my existence so I continued to stare and take him all in. He was slightly bow legged with strong hands that looked as if they would be good to not only build a house from a tree but also feed me berries and wash my hair. He was slightly bow legged. I began to plan out wedding and how many kids we'd have but my fantasy was short lived as he exited the train shortly after. I followed him with my eyes until the train pulled away.The teen was staring and he appeared to have an attitude with me now.I chuckled to myself thinking, "Welp! Guess OUR relationship is over"I closed my eyes and leaned back in my seat trying to remember every detail of the dread as I drifted off to sleep.

*ding dong*
~Thank You for riding the MTA~

~Missed Connection~

As I teetered onto the train hands full, I was struck by how unattractive the pregnant woman was who sat in the seat across from where I stood. I almost grimaced.
As the train came to a stop a few minutes later I walked off to wait for the express train.
As I walked down the platform, dressed in a white dress shirt, a pea green shrug, and my high waisted, grey, pin stripped, magic slacks, the train pulled out of the station. The train operator, an older Hispanic man smiled at me. I rolled my eyes.
I passed a beautiful girl with a mini afro that had been dyed blonde. We lock eyes for a second and smiled at the same time. (This seems to be the thing among pretty, natural girls who look like they spend afternoons sipping lattes at New York City Cafes.)
I turned around to look at the display to see when the next train would be arriving. I groaned in my head as I saw a man walking towards me.
I was positive he had fallen victim to the magic pants and was going to talk to me.
I was not in the mood to talk.
I looked past him as he stopped beside me.
He was talking. I half rolled my eyes as I removed one ear bud from my ear and turned toward him.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"How do you stay so in shape?", he asked.
"I eat well," we both looked at the greasy paper bag I was holding and I chuckled and added, "...most of the time."
He argued that I MUST work out. I'm aware the affect these pants have. The high waist accentuates and exaggerates the size of my actual waist.
While it is probably 27in, the hip to waist ratio in these pants makes it look like 25in, easily.
He continues to try to get me to admit that I work out.
He says, "You know, your body is nice but that's not even my biggest attraction to you."
I take a bite of my pizza, staring into his face, waiting for him to continue.
He's kind of handsome. He's a bit older. Maybe in his early 40s. Medium brown complexion. Perfectly lined salt and pepper goatee. He could almost pass for one of the Wayans brothers.
I hated his attire. I wondered if he was an MTA worker getting off work. He carried a backpack.
I wait.
I take another bite of my pizza, "I apologize for being rude and eating but I'm hungry and I don't really care."
He laughs then says, "it's your hair."
"What's my hair?"
"The fact that you are confident enough to rock your natural hair when so many woman need all these extras..."
I was half listening, half thinking, "Where is my train? This pizza is awful!"
He pulls me into the convo and we begin a discussion on people's perception of beauty and Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj.
And the outside influences that shape oue perceptions.
I remove the other ear bud and give him my full attention.
An intelligent convo. I'm actually engaged in it. Smiling and chattering as if we've known each other for years.
He says, "I'm going to stay with you 'till you train comes. I'm not gonna ask you your name cause you're comfortable being rude and I can hear you saying 'none of your business'"
I laugh.
I do not tell him my name.
I do not ask his.
My train is arriving.
He does not ask for my number.
Instead he says, "I hope to see you again tomorrow. If I do, it was meant to be and I'll ask for your name and number."
I smile as I enter the train and sit down.

I didn't see him the next day or the day after that.
Guess it wasn't meant to be.

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

~Whoopi Edition~

Dressed in a knee length, form fitting, black and white houndstooth dress, belted at the waist, with a pale pink bow in my afro, I am beyond tired.
I've removed my heels and replaced them with my fold away flats.
I'm walking down the subway stairs looking in my bag for my ipod as a group of teen aged kids run down the stairs screaming at each other. There are about five girls and a "boy", if you want to call him that.
The girls were dressed in very revealing clothing and I grimaced at the rolls of fat seeping from the sides of most of them. I looked up and locked eyes with the "boy" shaking my head and laughing as I put my headphones into my ears entering the train.
The teens rushed onto the train just as the doors were closing.
I was barely paying attention to them but it appeared that the "boy" had whispered to one of the girls and one by one they turned to look at me. Then one proceeds to stand directly in front of me shaking her weave talking with her back to me. The train jerked and she feel towards me. I shoved her, not tenderly, and stared at her waiting for her to say something. She looked at me and said sorry as her friends laughed. I rolled my eyes.
I guess the friends began to taunt her to say something to me. I looked her up and down and then the rest of them, sizing them up, wondering how many I could take out before they jumped me.
The one in front of me was a cute girl but the blonde hair attached to her head looked ridiculous.
She was slightly overweight and she wore black leggings and a shirt that was too small.
The song ended on my iPod as she was saying something. I looked at her..she was motioning towards me but not looking directly at me. I caught, "...look like Whoopi Goldberg"
I raised an eyebrow and removed my headphones. I hate teenagers. I WANTED her to have said something to me. I WANTED to punch her in the chest. Someone needed to. Her attire and hair was a clear indication of that.
"What?" I snapped with my lip turned up in a scowl.
The friends laughed. She mumbled something.
"Baby girl, you're fat. You have plastic hair with a Barbie doll hairline. Your opinion is irrelevant."
The train pulled into the station as her friends laughed, some stunned whispered "no uh, wut?"
I sashayed off the train to the arriving express train swinging my shoes in my hand.
I replaced my headphones and turned my iPod back on.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA.

~Blue Eyed Beauty Edition~

Awakened abruptly, out of my sleep, by the jerking motion of the train, I rolled my eyes as the doors opened and people milled in.
I was struck by how terribly plain and downright unattractive some of the women were that entered the train.
A woman sat mostly on my lap. I was disgusted. She had one of those asses that looked like there was an entire person hiding in her pants. It was not attractive. In fact she looked like she smelled. I shook my head at myself for being so petty but snarled when she had the nerve to wiggle to fit more comfortably.
The train pulled into the next station and more people boarded.
I looked up at long dark lashes flapping over the bluest eyes I had ever seen.
Of course I had to take inventory of the owner of these eyes.
He was perfection on a warm summer morning. He was of average height, 5'10" or so, not orange tanned but a slight bit of color, dark hair combed back with just enough product that he didn't look as if he was wearing a helmet. He wore a stripped, pale pink, dress shirt that looked as if I was made just to fit his broad but not overly massive shoulders and dark grey slacks that hugged his perfectly toned behind. The pants fell just right over his tan oxfords.
I could not keep my eyes from roaming his body multiple times then resting on his mouth I thought, "Shit! He is GORGEOUS!"
I watched him as he watched the ugly Asian girl that stood in front of him. Shaking my head I stood as the train pulled into my station.
I passed him and then looked back to get one last peak. We locked eyes for all of five seconds. He smiled slightly as I exited the train and ran up the stairs.
I was late again.

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA.

~The Insecure Girlfriend Edition~

While I hate all humans, I love seeing couples and watching how they interact. I especially love seeing couples on the way to work together who give a soft peck as one departs.
I run up the stairs, arms flailing, pearls, iPod and blackberry in hand. I dash into the train just as the doors close.
I'm all the way at the back but I don't care,
There are seats available in this car and I snuggle into one.
I see one of the couples I've seen on occasion and I smile to myself.
They are an adorable pair. Neither of impressive height. Both honey coloured. She is always fashionably dressed and her make up is always flawless.
He is usually in a dress shirt and slacks with huge headphones.
I don't stare as I've been know to do. I kind of just size them up and turn away.
As I go to turn my iPod on I notice he looks annoyed and I see her lips moving slightly. My ears perk up as I hear her steely whisper, "Where do you know her from? I know something went on"
He glances at me quickly and rolls his eyes as he whispers back, "I don't know that female."
I try not to stare but I see how tight and angry his face is. I notice he is trying extremely hard not to look my way.
I don't pay it any attention, I assume he just doesn't want to cause any more drama with his lady.
I turn on my music and they are almost forgotten as Jonelle Monae sings, "This is a cold war, do you know what you're fighting for?!" I smiled to myself nodding my head to the beat.
I notice they are both stealing glances at me and I notice her mouth move subtly again.
I'm wondering, is he a dog that has been caught in some shit or is this woman a pretty, insecure, psycho who thinks that every woman her man looks at is a past lover. I mean this conversation or argument can't possibly be about ME.
I glance at him and he looks fed up, ready to snap, in pain as if her badgering is slowly killing him.
I make it my business not to look at him again for the entire ride. I don't want to cause this stranger any more problems then he, clearly, already has.
At that very moment I see a white tee and fitted on what appears to be a frame of 6'6". They are forgotten as I lust over this chocolate giant.

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA.

~Transit Worker Edition~ Part Deux

I'm ecstatic!
My last patient is at 6oclock!
This means I will be out of the office before 8pm and I'll get home at a normal time.
I'm practically skipping to the train station in my black and white striped dress, red blazer, perfectly fluffed afro and 4in peep toes.
I don't even realize it's Monday which means old boy will be in the booth.
I just missed the train.
I kiss my teeth as I hide behind a pillar.
TOO LATE!
He spots me.
The next train will not arrive for another 7 minutes. I sigh as I preoccupy myself with my iPod, my phone, imaginary things in my bag.
He comes over.
"Why you just leave me like that?"
I bust out laughing remembering my speedy departure last week.
"What do you mean?" I smile coyly.
He gives me the side eye as he asks, "So when you gonna let me take you out? Dinner, a show? No parties. I'on party"
I continue to fiddle with things in my bag.
"Oh, you just gonna ignore me?"
I laugh again.
He gets a phone call and I inch away.
"Two more minutes 'till the train arrives" I think to myself.
I fumble in my bag for my metro card.
"You have an unlimited?"
"Yes" fumbling in my large bag.
"Here, just come through before you miss your train!"
I continue to look for my card as the train doors open.
"You just aint gone let me do NOTHING, huh?"
I smile as I swipe my Metrocard and scurry to the train.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA

~Transit Worker Edition~

I can't see shit!


I never carry my glasses and my contact was irritating me so I threw it away.

Clearly I didn't think this through. I had multiple hours left to work staring at the computer and I can't see at night with BOTH contacts. Smh

I ponder for about five seconds if I should take a cab home or not. It's not that late.

I walk down the steps to the subway.

In a form fitting royal blue belted dress and cheetah print sandals, I'm fumbling with my large bag trying to get my headphones while texting and trying to see how long I have to wait for the next train.

I'm deep in my bag totally oblivious to my surroundings. I hear a voice. "Daaamn"

I don't look up. He sounds like someone's pervy uncle. He's saying something else. I'm half listening.

He says, "I like your natural hair. Actually. I like everything." I offer a smile in hopes he will go away. I finally look up. It's the man from the booth. He asks if I take this train every night. I smile but do not answer. He continues to talk. "I'm here every Monday and Tuesday" he says.

I squint at the sign wondering why this three minutes is taking so long.

He's not bad looking. Handsome even. But he is probably old enough to be my father.

He asks my name. "Mocha" I say. "Oh you know they have a spot called Moca uptown" I roll my eyes. "Yes, I know."

He laughs.

This is the longest three minutes in life.

"So are you gonna give me your number?" I smile as I get on the train and the doors close behind me wondering how I'm gonna avoid him tomorrow.



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

SUBWAY SERIES ~Miserable Teen Edition~

We established ages ago that while I hate all humans, I hate teens the most.

I nodded my head, with my lip turned up in my signature snarl, to the melodic screams, drums and electric guitars of 30 Seconds to Mars playing through my headphones.

Dressed in white fitted slacks, a blue and green floral blouse, shades and bedazzled flip flops. I was the poster girl for summer.

The train arrived and the teen girls who had been standing somewhere behind me pushed past me to get onto the train as I had stepped aside to let the people off. I grunted and kicked the one closest to me. Her neck snapped quickly to face me and I stared at her daring her to say something. she looked away.

I continue to bop my head feeling a hot stare burning a hole into the side of me.

I turn to see a set of teens to my right and a lone teen leaning against the door.

They all look miserable and I think to myself, "Where the hell are all these got damned kids going?"

The loner leaning on the door had the typical teen expression, "I hate life. No one understands me. Why is life so haaaard?"

I rolled my eyes thinking, "Little girl, you have no idea what life is even about yet.". I wanted to smack a smile onto her frowning face. She was dressed sloppily in sweats and a t-shirt that did not hide her muffin top.

I laughed to myself as I thought, "Sheesh I'm getting old and turning into my mother!" I was once that miserable teen, thinking I knew everything but knowing nothing.

I was still looking at the miserable teen wanting to smack her as the train pulled into the next station. It became crowded and I snarled at the Hispanic man and inched away from him as he stared at me. I rolled my eyes and turned to see who I was bumping into.

And there he was. At least 6'3" with chocolate skin and broad shoulders. He wore a polo shirt and it fit snugly over his frame and arms..Lawd his ARMS! His biceps the size of my thighs! It took everything in me not to lick the chocolate arm that was stretched out in front of me holding on. He looked at me with a slight apologetic smile as the train grew increasingly more crowed and he got closer. I blushed and turned away. He stared at me for a bit then turned away. Then he continued to steal glances. I watched all of this from behind my shades as I faced forward.

And then..when I thought I had met the chocolate man of my dreams..and thought of the beautiful chocolate babies we would have, he puffed up his chest like a peacock. I raised a brow. Laughing to myself at this blatant attempt to get my attention.

The train pulled into the next station and another man entered the train and began to stare. I was beginning to think my panties were on the outside of my pants when it hit me, I was wearing white pants. White pants give me super powers.

Bahahahahahha!

I returned my gaze to my future husband and almost gasped in horror.

He had begun bopping super hard to his loud ass rap music that I could hear over mine.

This love affair was OVER. I turned away and kept my head turned until he left the train.



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA.

~The Signs Edition~

"I don't wanna wait in vain for your love" Bob Marley sang sweetly in my ears as I stepped onto the train and took a seat on the express train.

Dressed in animal print flip flops with matching bag, shades, a denim dress and hot pink wrap around, I fluffed my fro.
I began to take inventory of the other passengers.
I spied two woman, one in her 40s or 50s and the other in her 20s or 30s. They both looked bland and tired and wore a look as if they hated life. They were both a twinkie away from needing to call Jenny Craig.
They were both married. The older woman with a two simple gold bands one containing a beauitful cut diamond. A traditional ring. The kind I love. The younger girl wore a more modern ring of white gold. I didn't like it. I wondered if they loved their husbands.
My attention was averted when I felt eyes staring at me. A black skinned man in a striped shirt was staring at me. I rolled my eyes. He was well dressed but it's as if he had "I am di shit, I am a pimp" written on his forehead. I was not the least bit interested.
Was it my imagination or were signs popping up on all the men's foreheads? There was a younger fellow sitting beside him, tattoos, tims, fitted, beautiful frame, (I couldn't stop staring at his arms) his sign read, "I'm really a nice guy but I'm a little slow and a victim of my surroundings" I chuckled to myself because he really DID look like he was missing a chromosome. Lol
I spotted a dread. Dressed in windbreaker pants and a t-shirt. He had a huge backpack and wore glasses on his face. We locked eyes briefly then he turned away shyly and pulled out a book to read. (I couldn't see the title.) His sign read, "I think you're beautiful but I doubt you'll look at me twice because I'm plain and slim with no real muscle tone so I won't even bother." I looked at him a few seconds more but the trained stopped and filled with rush hour commuters. I leaned back resting my head on the wall behind me wondering what all these people I had analyzed were thinking of me at that same moment. I shrugged as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA

3/27/10 ~CrackHead Edition~

I have a filthy mouth. I curse sometimes just to curse but I HATE to hear other ppl curse. I cringe even more so when it's a young girl. I also use the "n word" often, but it pisses me off tremendously to hear other ppl use it in public, especially NON blacks. Did I mention I hate humans? *sigh*


I turn on my ipod as the train pulls into the station. Head nodding to the beat I walk onto the train.

I take a seat and lean back preparing for my 40 minute nap. Oh crap! My ipod dies mid song.

I'm pissed off now so when this young couple gets on with their loud ghetto talk, I am NOT amused.

I stare at them with disdain as I wonder why they are so loud. My eyes open wide as I realize these young people are drugies.

She's sitting directly across from me and I'm staring in disbelief. She is barely over 25, hispanic, with dark lips, and many missing teeth. She appears to be pregnant. A seat opens up near me and the guy sits. I look at him in disgust. Not because he is a crack head but because he's sitting next to me.

They are sitting across from each other shouting a conversation.

I immediately ask the female if she wants 2 sit in my seat. She declines.

He yells to her, "Get up! She sees we're talking to each other. She being nice." She shakes her head. He replies "That's aight. I don't mind sittin' next to her anyway, 'cause she pretty anyway. Don't she look like Diane?"

I'm not happy. I want to get the hell off the train. Why am I on this train? I'm trying my best not to scream, "Shut the fuck up!". I'm trying to distract myself with everything that I can. Fiddling in my purse, I pull out my trusty blackberry and continue the ping pong game I was started earlier that day. Why is he staring at it? "Yo that joint is moving mad fast. Oh oh. She's good"

I feel my face burning with anger. Is that steam coming from my ears? Am I growling? Lol

A seat opens up beside the girl and he moves over to her. And now the show begins. He starts antagonizing all the passengers nearest him. "What the fuck you looking at?" He screams at an older white woman. "Oh that niggas head is mad big! Fucking wet back" he screams at the Mexican man. The Mexican man just stares at him. The guy proceeds to scream at him, "What the fuck you lookin' at be? I should give u a buck fifty across ya face. You lucky I don't have a gun or knife on me." The mexican man just stares at him while everyone else avoids his eyes. "If we was locked up I would fuck you up. A nigga just got home. I don't give a fuck about nothing." Enter the Asian woman selling DVDs. He whispers loudly to the girl, "Watch this" to the Asian woman, "Let me see what you got"

At this point I'm over the show and wondering why the hell haven't they gotten off the train yet. I'm looking around to see what stop we're approaching, because this is some south Bronx shit. Lol

He attempted to steal the DVDs and tell the woman he was a cop and she had no license to sell. He continues to scream at the Mexican man. "You oblay ispanal?"

I need out. I have to get off this train. Oh great they are getting off. "Bye pretty" he says to me as he exits.

I roll my eyes and think to myself, "This is what I get being cheap and taking the train instead of a cab." I knw better nxt time.

It' seems as if everyone let out a sigh of relief as the couple exits the train.

I can't wait to get back to my side of town and back to normal civilization.



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

March 22 "Subway Crush Series"

I had to run back to the house because I had forgotten something. Good thing I wasn't late YET but of course, when I arrived at the station there is some idiot who doesn't knw how to swipe her metro card.

The train is coming and there is a line because she is running back and forth swiping at each turnstile. I shake my head as I push past her and swipe my card. Greeted by a throng of teens running down the stairs. I reach the top just as the doors of the train close. GREAT! Now I'm probably going to be late.

Nostrils flaring I stand looking to see if another train is coming. The dumb ass that couldn't swipe her metro card is mumbling something abt me taking her fare. I wish she WOULD say something to me. I look to my left and see one of my train crushes.  He's tall. About 6' 4", he has a smooth milk chocolate complexion. Bald que ball head. lol No facial hair. Nice full lips. He's always dressed sharp. He's wearing dark pin striped slacks with a crisp white shirt and a dark cardigan. He's wearing brown italian shoes and has on glasses today. He's carrying his Tommy Hilfiger man purse. He stands in his usual spot near the stairs. He doesn't notice me yet so I can stare for a while before appearing like a stalker. *giggle* He looks up and sees me. I pretend not to see him. This means he's going to move closer but of course he's not going to speak. Lol.

Train is approaching. I turn on my Ipod. "All of my fears he erased. Jesus. You saved the day." Kirk Franklin sang in my ears as I walked onto the train. It's not very crowded so there are a few seats and I sit down. He stands directly in front of me. I pull out my blackberry because his crotch is directly in my line of sight. I don't want to stare. He pulls out some sort of financial magazine. I can't help but smile. I know he's watching me.
Fat lady gets on at the next stop. She sits on my lap. I almost lose it but chocolate sexy man is standing in front of me. "We should be, making love. Instead of, breaking up. Cmon baby let me show you I'm for real. Lay in my bed" *smile* Mario sings as the train continues. Train is super crowded now and he moves closer to me. I'm wondering why I didn't wear my shades today. I coulda been sizing him up.

Every chance I get I'm sneaking a peak. Gosh he's so handsome. I keep smiling at my blackberry.
It's out stop..He moves aside so I can get off first. I still feel him looking at me..*sigh* Why doesn't he say something? I take one last look at him before I make a mad dash for the office. I'm running late. He looks as if he's going to follow me..he doesn't.
:-(
Maybe I'll see him tomorrow.


*ding dong*

Thank You for Riding the MTA

~The Staring Edition~

Dressed in black leggings, large shades, cheetah print fedora, 5inch sandals, and a white, light weight, cotton/linen blend blouse, I'm hot and aggravated.
I've gotten off at the wrong train stop and to top it off my meeting place has changed.
I'm fuming as I stand on the platform waiting for the next train. I want to slap everybody and their mother.
A chubby faced Hispanic boy, no older than six, runs past me and pokes me in the butt. I want to grab him and throw him onto the tracks but his mom looks so tired and over him. She looks at me apologetically. I just shake my head.
Santana plucks the strings of his guitar and the words, "Oye como va" play in my ears as my hips begin to sway to the beat of the drum. This tune somehow aids in easing my anger.
The train arrives and I walk on and take a seat. I'm settling in, fidgeting with my bags when I look across from me at what I thought was an empty seat.
Well looky here! Eyebrow raised, I size him up. He was a dread. Not the ones that wear dread for fashion but the type that looks like he smells like oils and burns incents daily and doesn't eat meat.  The type that enjoys walking barefoot and giving his woman baths in rose petals. Lmao.
I stare behind my large shades not caring if he can see me or not.
His hair is pulled back and wrapped up. He wore gold rimmed shades on an almond colored, smooth face. A face that was chiseled and manly. I continued to stare unapologetically as I sipped my slushy.
His shoulders weren't large but broad and masculine.  He wore a green vneck tshirt which allowed me to view his strong collarbone. I looked at his toned arms. He wore no jewelry aside from a leather wristband, much like a few in my jewelry box. His jeans were cuffed at the bottom and rested atop worn, hightop sneakers that I gather were vintage collectibles.
I continued to stare unsure if he was aware of my gaze. I did not care. I stared. I shook my head at myself wondering what the point was. I just could not stop staring. He began to fidget. I did not break my stare and continued to sip my slushy.
The train stopped. A group of girls got on. They were hispanic or Brazilian. Not exactly pretty, but attractive. One with a Kim kardashian body. A pretty faced, large, pale skinned, black girl with Jessica Rabbit sexiness walked on and sat beside  the dread, a seat away. I continued to stare. He did not even notice her.
I smirk and stare.
He fidgets. 
I sip my slushy and stare. 
He removes his shades and pulls out a book. 
I stare. 
He looks up at me. And lowers his eyes shyly. 
I smirk. Sip my slushy and stare. 
More people get onto the train. They are blocking my view. I move over slightly and continue to stare. 
My train stop is approaching. Big girl, Jessica Rabbit gets up. He glances over at her but quickly returns his eyes to  the book. 
I stare. He looks up. With the eyes of a puppy. He stares. He blinks rapidly and looks as if he's panicking when he realizes I'm getting off the train. I am walking off the train. I look back. He stares. 
I shake my head thinking, "Dummy". 


*ding dong* 
Thank you for riding the MTA 

~Dread Stalker Edition~

It's an unseasonably warm day. One of many in April. I'm annoyed that my plans are delayed because I had to take my phone to be serviced.


I take off the 5in heels I've been wearing and throw on my flats so I can hurry through rush hour body traffic. Lol

I rush down the stairs to the subway. My eyes spot long locks halfway pinned up. They travel down to see broad shoulders and further down to observe THE most bowed legs I've ever see. The dark blue, pin striped, Italian cut suit is a perfect fit. I didn't realize I had followed him, the entire length of the platform, until he stopped and I almost bumped into him. I looked down at my feet as I quickly scurried past him.

I only walked a few short steps before I stopped, turning to catch a glimpse of his face.

He was looking at me. I felt my face flush. Did he know that I was following him? Did he know that I was staring? I chuckled at myself as I remembered I was in my “Hollywood Mocha” shades. Surely he couldn’t see my eyes.

The local train arrived and I walked on. I looked over and he was entering the train as well. I looked for a seat so I could put my heels back on. I sat but my heels were forgotten as I stared at him taking him all in. The hair. The suit. The legs. My stop was approaching and in a blatant attempt to see him up close I stood up and walked to where he stood. I became shy and turned away.

The doors opened and I felt a body close to mine. I turned around and realized he was getting off too. His long bowed legs carrying him way faster than I. I followed. Down the platform. Out of the station. Onto the street. I followed him for two blocks before I shook my head and laughed wondering, “What the hell are u doing?” I stopped and proceeded to the restaurant where I was to meet a friend for drinks.

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA.

~Spiked Heel Edition~

If you've followed this blog, I'm sure you're aware, by now, my disgust with humans, ESPECIALLY "men" who push ahead of women to get a seat on the train.


I stepped off of the local train onto the platform. With my curly faux hawk, hollywood Mocha shades, 5in spiked heels, cropped, black, wool jacket and hot pink "Michelle Obama type" dress, I was NOT to be messed with.

My face remained stoic but in my head I smiled as the masses parted to let me walk through.

The train arrived quickly and I noticed a short Hispanic man to my left inching in front of me. I rolled my eyes in disgust as I saw all the women and children he was snaking his way in front of.

I extended my elbow and stepped in front of him as I allowed the people to exit the train and the women and children to go ahead. He seemed perturbed and tried to push past me. I extended my foot.

I walked onto the train and he rushed past me to sit. I sat beside him crossing my legs and stabbing him in the leg with my heel. An older woman stood in front of us. I kicked the man beside me as I stood asking her if she'd like to sit. I noticed he had turned his head in the opposite direction. She smiled sweetly and assured me that she was fine and I should rest my feet with the tall heels I wore. She proceeded to praise me and tell me of how she once wore heels that high, but on more. I smiled as I turned my music up.

I returned to my seat, kicking the man yet again.

He turned to look at me, I raised an eyebrow looking over my glasses into his eyes, daring him to say something to me.

He turned away.

Punk bitch.



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

SUBWAY SERIES ~The Angry "Others"

I stood on the platform in my large bubble coat, tapered @ the waist, my wild, curly hair peeking out from underneath my hood. I was completely oblivious to my surroundings, as is always the case when I'm lost in my music.


Bach's "Toccata und Fugue in D minor" played violently in my ears as I imagined a black and white scary movie with vampires and capes.

I was staring straight ahead barely noticing the couple walking towards me. I only became aware of them when I observed the girl (other) snatch the hand of her man (black). I raised a brow and smirked. I was not concerned about them but she seemed to NEED to make me see that she had this prized procession (a black man). She stopped not far from me directly in my line of vision.

Now, let's be clear, I'm pretty open to people dating whomever they are attracted to, but these "others", that think they are somehow better than me, annoy me.

The train was delayed and the platform grew increasingly more crowded.

My attention was back to my music and daydreaming.

I was distracted by her again as she tugged at his arm while trying to plant kisses all the while sneaking glances at me every few seconds.

He seemed annoyed and looked as if he wanted to swat her like a fly.

I'm thinking, "Doll, your man is ugly and a little on the fat side. Chile please, I'm NOT checkin' for him" lmao.

Finally the train arrives and she's forgotten until she tries to push past me onto the train. I stick my elbow out and look her up and down, daring her. Her man pushes her to the side and allows me to step onto the train. I smile a tight smile and say, “Thanks” as I walk past them.

I’m only riding for a few stops so I don’t sit. I stand by the door. I see the not so attractive boyfriend staring at me thru the reflection in the window. *Eyebrow raise* She (the girlfriend) seems to have an attitude now. The wicked little trouble maker in me takes over. I turn to face them. I look into his eyes, smile softly, and then turn away bashfully. I look down at my phone, press a few buttons and smile brilliantly as I look back up at him. He’s staring and cannot turn away. My stop is approaching and I hold his gaze for a few seconds, blink, and then turn to face the door. I chuckle to myself as I see his reflection still staring while the girlfriend tries frantically to get his attention.

The doors open and I walk out not before looking over my shoulder and winking. Lmao! The doors close and I wave to the girlfriend. She turns red as the train pulls away.



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

Subway Series ~Dreaded Joker Edition ~

 I stepped onto the crowded train. I’d had a long day and was looking forward to getting home and having my glass of red wine while going through the mail. Ledisi sang in my ears as I watched a woman have a conversation with her man while staring at me. Smh. 
I continued to watch the woman, who seemed to be having an in depth convo with her man, stare at me…and then I noticed...he kept looking over at me..I’m wondering if I’ve wiped off one of my eyebrows. I subconsciously look at my reflection in the window. I roll my eyes and avert my gaze thinking, “Fuckin’ weirdos”.  
I reach my transfer stop and scurry off of the express train to the waiting local. Sandwiched between two smelly men, I’m happy my train ride will be short. I look to my left and, over the sea of faces; I see the top of the head of a dread. Trying to see his face I’m ducking between people, tip toeing and staring. The guy next to him, who is obstructing my view, smiles. I roll my eyes and continue to try to see the man’s face. I frown thinking, “Of all the days for my x-ray vision NOT to work” lol 

I arrive at my stop and try to sneak another look and realize that he is getting off too. I push past the people in front of me trying to get closer. There is one person between us as I look him up and down from the back. His dreads are neatly braided going back and they reach his waist. He is about 6’2” with broad shoulders and slightly bowed legs. I imagine what that back would look like outside of his clothes.  He apparel leads me to believe he is a laborer or he’s coming from the gym. I watch as he walks, with a slight bop, down the stairs and leaves through the other side of the train station. I shake my head as if the erase the images that just flashed through my mind of us intertwined. I’m tempted to follow him. (I still haven’t seen his face) I decide it would be a better idea to go home and use the bathroom before I pee on myself.

The next day, my mind is elsewhere as I listen to my tunes and walk onto the train. A slow smile crosses my face as I spot a familiar head of braided dreads to my left. I take a seat and try to sneak a peek without being obvious. He was handsome. He resembled a lighter skin toned, younger Busta Rhymes. I noticed he was smiling too. I blushed slightly and turned away. I snuck another peek. His eyes were slightly red. He was still smiling. Hmm..I looked away. The train stopped, more people entered. I looked over. He was still smiling. He looked a little creepy. I looked away. I looked back. He was STILL smiling. He looked deranged. Why the hell is he STILL smiling? I averted my eyes and did not look again. Thinking to myself, this is what I get for chasing dreads. 


*ding dong* 
Thank you for riding the MTA