"Subway Series" *Late Night Edition*

I never take the train at night because that's when the real freaks come out.


It's late night. A friend and I have just left a venue on the east side and we decide to take the train to save 40 or 50 bucks.

We're not waiting long before the train comes and we board for two stops and then transfer to the express.

The train arrives quickly seeming a bit crowded for this time of night.

We racial profile and stand in front of a group of women who are obviously tourists who will exit at Times Square.

As soon as we sit we look at each other and giggle because we've both have scanned the other passengers and every seems crazy and they seem to be staring.

At the next stop a man boards with a keyboard.

He places his stool directly in front of me. I look over at my friend in disgust and she busts out laughing. I roll my eyes and shake my head and prepare to kick him just as a man standing by the door offers his space to him.

He turns on his keyboard as he starts his speech, "I'm just out here tryna make an honest living by using my talents." He presses a button and the demo music starts. He slides a few buttons and taps his fingers on a few keys. He repeats this a few more times. My friend and I exchange looks. "What the fuck is he doing?" "He's a fraud. This is not honest!" We bust out laughing.

His act lasts about 5 minutes, then he turns off the keyboard and says, "I'm just tryna make an honest living" we bust out laughing again.

I hug my friend and exit the train to make yet another transfer. The train arrives and I take a seat across from a hip mom and her adult daughter.

The mother is whispering loudly, "Mi tell you fi stop drinking but you wan be grown han keep on." I look at the daughter. Her eyes are closed and she looks a little green around the gills. She coughs and her eyes water. I'm only two stops away from home so I go stand by the door. Looking at her is making me a bit nauseous. As soon as I walk to the door I hear a gag. I look over and the daughter projectile vomiting across the train onto the spot I just moved from. I turn away in disgust as the mom takes napkins and attempts to sop up the vomit. YUCK!



*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

"Subway Series" *Three Amigo Edition*

It's sweltering. Dressed in short shorts, and high heels I know I'm risking being harassed and taking a chance riding the train but the sun is still shining and I'm trying to be economical. HA!


My attire is very regular aside from the short shorts so I become increasingly annoyed as every man, woman, child, cat and dog stares at me on my way to the train.

The train arrives. I board and take a seat beside an overweight woman who is yelling across the train to her overweight son. I roll my eyes and turn on my iPod.

The train arrives at the next stop and on walk three middle aged hispanic men who appear to think they are still in their 20s.

They are loud, laughing, and obnoxious. I feel my body tense preparing for a fight as the first guy notices me and taps the second who taps the third. They let out a roar of laughter, cat calls and hisses. My nostrils flare in embarrassment and anger as I wish I could disappear. I turn my music louder and close my eyes in an attempt to ignore their ridiculous behavior.

As fate would have it, my iPod dies. Fml! One guy is doing chin ups on the train pole as another recounts how he stole a coworkers cell phone. *bbm blank stare*

The train passes through the Bronx and into Manhattan and some pigment deficient woman board the train. They make lewd remarks about one woman who slowly scoots closer to me as if the "angry black woman" can somehow protect her. I feel bad for her but I'm relieved that their attention is off of me.

At another stop an old couple boards and they are immediately antagonized by the three amigos. One of the three amigos looks at me for approval with a big smile. I roll my eyes and mumble "Assholes".

The train is arriving at my stop. I stand and I hear, "Oh my God mami.", "Daaaamn". I cringe and give them the finger as I exit the train.
 
*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA