SUBWAY SERIES ~SICK BABY EDITION~

I rarely wear pants, especially to work. So my legs r exposed. Well, sorta. I'm wearing silk, sheer stockings.
I don't have on sensible, work shoes. Instead I'm wearing funky, peep-toe booties. The train is ridiculously crowded with rush hour commuters. A seat is out of the question. I swing my large bag onto my shoulder so the perv behind me can step back off of my arse. He obviously missed the look of death I hurled his way.
"Excuse me, sorry" he mumbles guiltily as I push my bag into his abdomen.
Amazingly, some seats open up at the next stop and the men don't rush past the women to sit. I walk toward the seat and hesitate as I realize it's next to a mother holding her school aged kid in her arms. (Yawl know I hate little, snot nosed, rug rats.)
I quickly weigh my options; stand and risk hurting feet or sit by the kid. Ugghhh, I grumble to myself as I sit.
I've barely touched the seat before the little wench kicks me. All I can think is, "My stockings!!" I jerk my leg away and shoot daggers from my eyes, at the young mother who hasn't turned down a blunt in 10yrs judging by her skin and dark lips. She looks tired and like she needs a blunt right now. "I'm sorry miss" she says not at all, apologetically. Wait, you have the nerve to be mad at ME and it's ur satan spawn kicking me? I roll my eyes and say through clenched teeth, "You're fine. Don't worry about it." The kid squirms around in her mom's lap as she tries to restrain her. I finally look at the kid. My heart melts. The biggest saddest eyes look up at me from the cutest little face which is wrinkled up in pain as snot drips from her button, nose. I feel bad for mummy, as she tries to adjust the kid in her lap and take tissue from her pocket while the munchkin whines and kicks me again. I keep looking over at the baby who is obviously sick and in some sort of pain. I mentally take inventory of what's in my purse, wondering if I have anything to soothe her. I don't.
I look down at her little face and feel a little pang of guilt because I can't do anything to help her. I allow the music to envelope me to the point that I can almost ignore the kicks that continue throughout my entire commute. Mummy is saying something. I remove my earbud and ask her to repeat herself. "I'm sorry she keeps kicking you, she has an ear infection." I smile waving away her apology and tell her not to worry about it. As we approach my

stop I squeeze her arm and wish her a good day and good health for the munchkin. I verbally pat myself on the back for behaving like a human before I've had my tea. I think, "Man, that meditation and prayer this morning worked." I stand and make my way to the open door where a man stands, literally, in the middle of the doorway as people are trying to exit. "Move out of the fucking way, IDIOT!" I snarl as I push him out of the way.
Yeah, so much for that.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA

~PALE SHENANIGANS EDITION~

As "Hunter" by 30 Seconds to Mars fades and Ludacris sings "I feel like slappin' somebody today. Slap slap", I'm not in the mood for the pale shenanigans.
I'm cranky. I've had a shit day at work and I'm running late for class. I'm  waiting for the express train during rush hour. The platform isn't super crowded but the local train arrives and people file out to wait for the express.
Most people find a place to stand behind those of us who have obviously been standing there but when the train arrives, this fucking privileged Becky decides to scoot her little ass in front of everyone as we stand to the side to allow people off. She stands directly in front of me and swings her hair.
Bitch, whet!?!?!
It takes everything in me not to grab her by her fucking hair but I cannot control myself, "No bitch! Not today!" I say as I push her pale ass to the side and get on the train. It's almost comical the indignation on her face. I shake my head.
As I pull out my iPad to read, I feel something on my bare leg. I look down and realize it's the foot of the pigment deficient bitch sitting in the seat in front of me.  She's sitting with her legs crossed, on the train, during rush hour. You've got to be fucking kidding me. No patience left. "Ma'am can you get you're fucking foot offa me!?" She kicks me again. I kick the fuck out of her and then push her foot to uncross her legs. 
Not today bitch! Not today!
She stares at me in disbelief with her mouth agape. 
I tilt my head to the side like that auntie uncle man from scared straight. 
"What?!" 
She averts her eyes and gets off the train when the doors open.
I snuggle into her vacated seat with a smile and continue reading my book.

*Ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA.

~SPRING BLIZZARD EDITION~

I've stayed at work far later than I had planned, but I wanted to get my patients squared away with their prescriptions before the weekend and it's not like anyone else is going to take care of it.
It's Friday. I'm about to TURN UP! On my couch with a glass of merlot or Grand Marnier. Ha!
I finally leave the office, after five, satisfied that the patients are taken care of and I won't have extra work on Monday which is always an extremely busy day.
It's the first day of spring and it's snowing. A LOT. It's a blizzard! (Not really.) It feels like it's been winter for a year. I arrive at the train station and the platform is beyond crowded. I'm kicking myself for staying late when three trains come and go before I'm able to get on.
I refuse to get upset.
It's Friday.
I won't have to do this for another two days.
I take solace in this thought.
I take the train one stop and transfer to the express which is moving at a pace that is anything BUT express; stopping in between stops and sitting at stations longer than it should.
Still...I refuse to get upset.
When the train takes a different route and then the announcement, "This is the last stop" halfway through my commute, the stream begins to slowly leak from my ears. Everyone steps off of the train onto an already crowded platform. Apparently many trains have gone out of service. I wait to see what happens as another train pulls into the station a couple seconds later but it too goes out of service. I walk downstairs to the platform where my train was supposed to have pulled in. I don't get excited that a train is already in the station and it isn't crowded because something feels off.
Wait...
It's dark and I don't hear the rumble of the AC. It's eerily quiet. This is not a good sign.
There is announcement about police activity or something. A sick passenger? Sure. I stand on the train for 10 minutes as people keep piling in, no doubt, after being told their train upstairs is out of service. Another announcement. "Loss of power at the next station...held in the station"
Reluctantly, I push through people to get off of the train and out of the train station.
I surface above ground to chaos.
Everyone is trying to catch a cab. The station is betwixt a junior college and a high school. Madness. Too many bodies. I'm about to snap. Did I mention there is a blizzard? I walk quickly across the street to the bus stop and wait for the express. I take a few deep breaths.
I'm calm.
The wind blows and the flakes slap me in the face.
The streets are covered in ice.
I listen to my music.
The bus comes and I sit in a seat, cringing at the dirt and grime on the wall in front of me. I quickly move when a single seat becomes available.
The windows are foggy and I keep wiping them to see where I am.
The bus has stopped but the light is green.
Flashing lights.
Sirens.
FML!
The police direct the bus pas the service lane and everyone looks out the windows on the opposite side of the bus...they gasp collectively. "It's a little girl." "Oh my God."
Murmurs.
I see an ambulance but I can't bring myself to get up to look out the window. I just want to get home to my bed and some alcohol. (I will later learn a child and a man were killed by a cab that jumped the sidewalk.)
I finally arrive at the stop where I need to transfer to another bus.
It's now after seven.
I feel the hint of a stress headache.
I do some deep breathing and try to relax. Everything just seems crazy. It feels like everyone that passed me is trying to bump me. Every person is going to attack me.
The bus arrives and I stand at the door. Am I having a panic attack?
I want to snap someone's neck.
Breathing is not helping I want to kill.
Before I know it the bus stops at my stop and I get off.
Back to civilization.
I'm home.
I'm pretty sure a single tear escapes as I kick off my shoes and strip, throwing all my clothes on the floor.
Finally.

*ding dong*

Thank you for riding the MTA

~BATTLE OF THE TRAIN PERFORMERS EDITION~

I know it's been forever. I had to tell this story. lol

I've gotten into the practice of trying to begin my day with positivity through guided meditation and reciting positive mantras and affirmations while on my morning commute. 

Not only so that I don't kill anyone in a psychotic rage while on the train..but for my overall well being.

I've settled into my seat with my tablet and morning beverage in hand and a smile on my face.

I'm reading positive quotes as the train pulls into the next station. People pile onto the train racing for seats. I notice a man with what appears to be a violin case. He looked like he may have been a music teacher, dressed in slacks and a striped collared shirt. He sets the case onto the floor. 

Standing at the door as they are closing is the small black man with his bible. He speaks in an extremely loud voice, "Good morning!" and he goes into his religious spiel. The man with the violin tries to dart for the already closing doors and they close in his face. The woman sitting across from me busts out laughing at the look of despair on the man's face. He's looks like a trapped animal.  

I assume he realizes he is on an express train and will skip about 10 stops. He mutters something and stands against the door to the left of me. I shrug it off and I'm about to continue reading when I hear him begin to sing

softly and strum the strings of his instrument. 

Realization hits me as the mini battle of the preacher and the musician begin. 

I feel like I am in the twilight zone as the man, to my left, plays and sings trying to drown out the preacher, and the preacher across from me to the right screams ever louder trying to wake the dead. 

I look back and forth between them in amusement. 

Is this really happening? 

So, neither of them is going to leave the other to this train car? 

No?

Ok. 

Finally, the singer stops and puts away his instrument. I shake my head and begin my meditation. 

*ding dong* 

Thank your for riding the MTA

~Cranky~

Ever just want to punch a bitch in the face or toss a hot beverage in their direction?
I haven't had a good nights sleep in DAYS!

I'm cranky and my eyes are barely open as I wait for the train, tea in hand, heels in bag.
The train approaches and everyone inches toward the edge of the platform. The race for seats will start as soon as the doors open.
I am directly in front of the train door. I step aside to let the passengers off and to allow the pregnant woman to go ahead of me. 
I feel a slight push that becomes increasingly more aggressive. 
Is this person blind therefore they cannot see the people exiting the train? 
This MUST be the answer I think as I turn to look behind me, in disbelief. 
It's a perfectly healthy young woman who has the nerve to roll her eyes at me for not pushing past the people to get onto the train. I swing my huge bag over my shoulder in hopes that it slaps the shit out of her. 
She's still pushing me as I begin to step onto the train. 
I want to snatch her by her unnatural blonde/orange hair and kick her in the face. Instead I simply block her so she cannot sit before the pregnant girl, or me for that matter.
I settle into my seat and look up to see her giving me the stare of death.
I laugh at her and settle in for my nap.
Bitch.

*ding dong*
Thank you for riding the MTA